Avoidance

Usually, I am not an avoiding kind of person.  I am very much an in-your-face, what's-wrong, let's-talk-it-out kind of person.

HOWEVER, there is one topic I have been avoiding on the blog--my mother.  But, she can no longer be avoided.

While I was growing up, my mother was a vivacious, curious, busy woman who was quick to joke and dance.  Then, she got sick and that mom I remember has been long gone.  She has had legitimate health issues--her main being she had two brain aneurysms removed, one in 2002 and one in 2005.  During the course of her treatment and recovery, she became addicted to prescription pain medicine.  She is no longer the person I knew, loved, and respected.  She became a person who slept all day in a dark room and didn't talk to anyone.  There are weeks when I don't talk to her, which is odd because I communicate with my dad and my sister almost daily.

I am telling this because the pain medicine is an important factor in what I and my family have been dealing with acutely for the past couple of weeks.

My parents came up to visit in early January.  A couple of days after they arrived, she started complaining of stomach pains, which I completely disregarded because she is always in some kind of pain.  The pain became more severe as the night went on and, in the morning, I VERY begrudgingly took her to the ER with my dad.  Well, it turns out that she had an ulcer that perforated her bowel and need emergency surgery.  I would say that I felt bad that I didn't believe that she was in severe pain, but with her, she's the addict who cried wolf.  She calls ambulances and goes to the ER for minor things.  She is the kind of person when asked the very mundane question, "How are you today?" will go into the laundry list of aches and pains and make you sorry you asked.

She didn't even know she had an ulcer.  The ulcer was caused by over medicating, although she denies it.  On top of the transdermal Fentanyl patch she wears, she takes a prescription for arthritis and supplements them with over the counter meds (and a lot of them) that contain a great deal of aspirin.  The combo of the arthritis med and the amount of aspirin ate a hole in her bowel.  And then they gave her Percocet for the post-surgical pain.  Sweet.

AND in the course of all this, the doctors find emphysema complicated with pneumonia, so she had to be in the ICU for a week and on 24 hour oxygen when she was released.  Oh yes, have I mentioned she is a smoker?  Fortunately, she hasn't smoked since her hospital stay, but she has been a steadfast, loyal smoker who has not been motivated in the least to quit.  Not even my dad's heart attack in 2002 could stop her.  My dad still smokes, too, so he is not blameless.  She refused to quit and he wasn't strong enough to do it without her support.  It's not her FAULT that my dad continues to smoke.  That's a decision he has made, but she is a contributing factor in his failure.  The loneliness and the stress of being her caregiver is wearing on my dad.  Every time I see him, he looks more and more exhausted.  Of course, I see this yet another example of her selfishness.  Other examples I won't put in the blog.  Let's just say there are many.  We are not sure what stage the emphysema is because the lung function test done for that cannot be performed until she fully recovers from her surgery.

The doctor in the hospital reduced the amount of Fentanyl in her system (I could have kissed him for that, but I never saw him after the surgery) and we have not renewed her Percocet.  Since coming home from the hospital, she has agreed to see a counselor.  Mostly to shut me up about going to see a counselor or join a support group or simply to stop me from calling her an addict, but there are baby steps of progress being made.  She is going through withdrawal right now (she's still on her Fentanyl patch.  I'm not sure what kind of recovery she wants.  So far, there has been no real realization of addiction for her and until that happens, we get nowhere) and we see her surgeon tomorrow.

The thing is our relationship has become so deteriorated that I don't believe her when she says she's going to stop smoking or that she's not addicted to pain med.  And, more importantly, if she IS serious about recovery or stopping her addictions, I am so full of rage and disappointment that I am not sure I would accurately be able to support her recovery.  I would just be waiting for her to fail or pounce on any setback she may have.  Obviously, I need counseling myself if it gets to that point.  I've already seen a counselor about my relationship with her--you can see it helped tremendously.  :)  I am getting way ahead of myself here, though.

Also, I haven't cried over her.  That is saying something because I am a crier.  I cry at everything--commercials, kids' movies, the Olympics, winners on game shows, songs on the radio.  You name it, I've probably cried over it.  And I sit and stare at her, dry-eyed.  That she has been diagnosed with emphysema, a terminal disease, is almost a side note.  I was not shocked or saddened by the diagnosis.  I felt nothing.  And that scares me.  I will give her the benefit of the doubt and wish her all the luck and strength she will need to recover from her surgery and her addiction plus deal with the emphysema.  However, I cannot continue to have her in my life if things do not change.

Really?

Really?  REALLY?  Did you really expect me to post about Christmas and New Year before two weeks into January???

Well, here I am.

Christmas was somewhat of a bust (if you can call Christmas in the UK a bust).  We were all sick, so basically, Johnathon and I did nothing but lay around and feel sorry for ourselves myself.  Johnathon, despite his runny nose and fever, was running around the house like a madman, chasing after the dog and his cousin.  He had a BLAST.  Craig was able to meet up with some of his friends a couple of times and go to an all-important Bluebirds match.  He did get really sick right before we left, so the bug got him, too.

Christmas was pretty good--it was nice to be back in the UK and catch up with people.  It was just hard to carry on any actual conversation due to my hacking cough.

We made it back to the US, despite being Those People on the flight back.  Next time we book our flight back to the States from the UK, we will book an overnight flight.  It was just silly of us to plan a daytime flight.  He slept for 2.5 of the 8 hour flight and the rest of the time he wanted to be running around the plane.  And he screamed his head off when we made him sit in the carseat.

Tomorrow, I am co-hosting a baby shower in my neighbor's honor.  After that, I will reveal projects I have been working on since before Christmas....  I think you will be proud of me.

My little boy, sniff...

Last weekend, we took Johnathon to have his first haircut.  I had been resisting Craig every step of the way for months because I did not want to cut his hair.  Even after it was way past time to do it.  The kid had a mullet.  I don't know--haircutting just seemed like a very little boy thing to do and my baby is not a little boy, ergo etc etc, he does not need a haircut.

Mom, really.  I'll be ok.

So, I bit the bullet and took him to get a haircut.  The Woe.  And then!  The Cuteness.  I have to commend the haircutter--Cookie Cutters (woohoo!).  They plopped him right down into a chair that shaped as a car.  He was in heaven.  He didn't realize what was going on.  Of course, Craig and I took a zillion pictures.  Well, and there were a few tears, but not many, I promise.  And viola....

And, then, we went to Panera to celebrate....

Thanksgiving was this past week and I am thankful that Johnathon has a (mostly) strong stomach because his eating habit continue to baffle me.  Behold, his favorite foods:

Spaghetti, acceptable.

Green crayon, not so much acceptable.

Craig continues to do well in his back surgery recovery.  One of the goals that the hospital had set for him was to be able to walk three miles by the end of his six weeks' recovery.

.

Nailed it.  The Holiday in Lights 5K.

Honestly, I am so proud of Craig.  I think we had both forgotten what "normal" was.  For example, we had six people over for Thanksgiving dinner.  Craig was on his feet all day cooking (because he, honestly, loves cooking).  Friday, we took Johnathon to a holiday train exhibit.  Saturday and Sunday, we hung Christmas lights outside.  Now, to you, that sounds like a good weekend.  Before the surgery, that weekend would have been unimaginable.  ONE of those things we could have done as a family, not all of them.  Certainly not if we hosted Thanksgiving.  He would have been flat on his back, lying on ice for the rest of the weekend.  I was looking at past pictures of Johnathon recently and in so many of them, Craig is in the background, lying down.  I am so, so thankful for the surgery and what it continues to mean to Craig and our family.

I have a good reason!!!

For not posting at all during the month of October!!!!

At the very end of the last post, I mentioned that Craig was planning on getting back surgery at some point in the near future.  Little did I know that the surgery would actually take place three days later.  On Friday, September 30, Craig underwent a laminectomy on his L7 vertebra.  Our decision was somewhat made for us when we went to a second opinion from a very respected surgeon about the surgery.  He took a look at Craig's most recent MRI and said, "I'll clear my schedule for Friday."  It was Wednesday afternoon.  Apparently, Craig's disk was taking up about 95% of the space in his spine and numbness was starting to spread to both legs (up to that point, only one leg (!!) was numb.  (Sidenote:  seriously?  Who goes around thinking that not being able to feel your toes is normal?  Craig, that's who.)

So began a whirlwind of getting our ducks in a row because Craig's recovery would be at least six weeks.  My parents, who had just left the week before, came back on Thursday and watched Johnathon during the surgery and stayed for two weeks  Maggie, Craig's mother, flew in from Wales two weeks after the surgery to stay for the rest of his recovery (four weeks).

It's been a very busy time for us, but Craig is doing GREAT.  He is able to walk almost three miles, which is something I've actually never seen him be able to do.  He's fairly pain free and really excited about the future.  He gets excited about being able to walk around the grocery store, which, to be honest, I find so sad that he was in such pain for such a long time and just thought that was his lot in life.

The little munchkin is also doing great!!!!!!  Here we are on Halloween...he was not enthusiastic about his costume.

And some more fall fun...

Johnathon is 18 months!

Where has the time gone????  Seriously?  How can my son be close to two????

Things to know about J:
1.  He runs everywhere.  He only has one speed--as fast as his little legs can go.
2.  He is our dogs' worst nightmare.  He LOOOOOVES the dogs.  They do not always love him.  He wants to help them eat.  By picking up their bowls and following the dogs around with them, regardless of whether or not there is food in them.  He wants to hug them, constantly.  He wants to sleep with (or ON) them.  He likes to "play" chase with them by zooming straight at them with his Thomas the Tank Engine.
3.  He loves to dance.  He does a wiggle, then side to side head bop.  Cutest.thing.evah.
4.  He's our little detective.  Yesterday, I asked Craig where the TV remote was.  Johnathon ran off and started making noise in the kitchen.  We both look over and he is pointing right to the remote.  Either this means he is understanding way more than we think he is or we watch way too much tv.
5.  He loves school buses, garbage trucks, and lawn mowers.  It rocks his world when the bus drivers wave at him.

And, obviously, continues to grow bigger and cuter every single day!!!

Layout--Mulit-Photo Volume 1; page elements "Pocket Full of Sunshine" all by Connie Prince.  HUGE thank you to Carrie Lynne Photography for the amazing photos! 

As far as Craig and Vicki news--Craig is in the process of scheduling his back surgery.  It's finally time--we've tried every other manner to avoid it, but with the results from the past two MRIs, the situation is now unavoidable. He's in a good place about it--he's ready to do it and, hopefully, live relatively pain free.  His back has been bad for six years now, however, lately, it's gotten a lot worse and we're hoping that the surgery will improve his back so he can be more mobile and more active.  Send a thought or prayer out there for us.  Thanks.

Do you want fries with that?

My son has discovered ketchup.

Ketchup seems to go with everything in his world.

September already?

When I typed in my blog address, I had to type it all out.  As in, the internet did not fill it out for me.  As in, even I don't visit my blog enough for the computer to recognize it.  I keep on telling myself I will fill it out, but the people who read my blog (usually) are my sister (who I talk to almost every day) and my college friends (who I just saw this weekend).  BUT I will continue to fill the blogosphere with my gorgeous child.  So there.

August recap:  Craig's family came to visit for a couple of weeks.  This was the big family trip--mother, father, brother, niece, and grandma (in-law) made the big trip across the pond.  They did the same trip last year too.  It was so much fun!  It was good to see them all--I haven't seen Craig's brother, niece, and grandmother in a year.  It was good to catch up.  Plus, my niece rounds out the cousin trifecta--Johnathon is ALL ABOUT his cousins.  He follows them around all day long and LOOOOVES them.  Niece is no different--she has a little brother (who is not an in-law.  Long story on that.) and so she was used to playing with children as young as Johnathon.  SO CUTE!!

In addition to sewing (which we'll get to in a minute), my other new hobby is digital scrapbooking.  I used to scrapbook, but once I started taking all my pictures with a digital camera, I never printed them out anymore, so I just didn't scrapbook.  Apparently, I'm not the only one and there is this whole other universe out there on the web dedicated to digital scrapbooking.  I'm kinda obsessed.  I created a photobook for the inlaws trip to Cincinnati (this is supposed to be a surprise, so in-laws, if you are reading, surprise!)  Here are two pages I created for Johnathon:

I know I am supposed to add credits when I do this. I'm not sure I'm doing this correctly, but the page on the left is from Jessica Sprague (www.jessicasprague.com) Intro to Digital Scrapbooking class.  She is fantastic!!  If you are at all interested in learning how to digital scrapbooking using Photoshop/Photoshop Elements, head there.  The page on the right is created from the Babyface collection from WordArtWorld.

My other hobby--sewing.  Well, the enthusiasm is still there.  But the sewing machine is still in the box.  I haven't completed the skirt that was the final project.  I'm PLANNING to, but I think you know how that goes.  My parents are coming into town for a visit today, so hopefully, I'll get some time to finish it up.  I think the reason I took to digiscrapping (using the lingo because I am a pro, obvs) is because I am MUCH, MUCH, MUCH more comfortable and confident using a computer/in my computer skills.  And I freak out when I think about doing a sewing project by myself.  I almost threw up when Craig encouraged me to go pick out fabric for the curtain I keep threatening to make.  I did make a piped pillow with a zipper that I am quite proud of, though.

I am very, very lucky for many reasons--I have a loving, supportive husband, a healthy and happy child, parents and in-laws who make huge efforts to be an active part of my life.  And I have college friends that I still talk to and see every chance we get.  There is a group of seven of us, including me.  Four of them, I lived with in college and after.  Two I got to know better after we had already graduated.  We are flung out around the country--Ohio, Georgia, Tennessee, Kentucky, Texas, and New York.  We take a girlie trip every five years (yes, even with my obvious youthful looks, this was our second trip).  We went to Panama City Beach (cue Baha Men and airbrushed shirts) and despite the fact there was a tropical storm and tornado warnings, we all made it, damnit.  Ain't no little thing like a hurricane going to get in the way of our beach vacay.  (Actually, it did.  We stayed in most of the time.  When I personally started to walk on the beach, the heavens opens and the wind blew. I think it was God's way of saying he wanted me to sit on the couch and read.)  As I said before, I am so incredibly lucky to be able to tag along with them.  At several times throughout the weekend, I just sat back and watched them interact and talk and laugh and listen to me and each other and I just thought to myself, Vicki, you remember this and you be grateful.  You love these strong, powerful, and unique women with ferocity and you be sure that your happy ass is on a plane, train, or automobile if they ever need you (which, without question, I would be).