Well, I'm having some trouble with it. Mainly, I'm not producing enough milk to keep John happy and satisfied. I thought there might have been a problem, so I called the leader of our local La Leche League (an organization specifically for promoting breastfeeding), who is also a lactation consultant at a hospital in town, and she made a house call on Sunday. She weighed the baby before and after I fed him and watched him nurse. Apparently, I'm not only having a supply issue, I'm having a "let down" (or, technically, a milk ejection reflex) issue. Basically, I'm not producing enough milk AND even if I were, my body is not letting the milk through. So, great. I'm screwed, in other words.
The lactation consultant thinks it may have something to do with my thyroid and inhibiting the level of oxytocin (affectionately known as the "cuddle hormone" Isn't that just so effing cute you could vomit and possibly throw things around the room in a massive rage?). Fantastic. That explains why I can be a raving lunatic beyotch sometimes. Hey, don't blame me because I'm mean--I DON'T MAKE THE FREAKING CUDDLE HORMONE.
Sunday was rough. I tried breastfeeding him, which, poor thing, he just nurses and nurses happily along, not knowing how different it all could be. Then...THEN, we try a bottle with some expressed breast milk. And he spits it all up and his sweet little face gets all red and he starts wailing. So, we try a bottle with an ounce of formula. Same thing. Oh.my.god. Talk about feeling like the worst mother on the planet. I was so upset, it brings tears to my eyes even thinking about it. I was inconsolable. Then, Sunday night, I try to breastfeed again and I cry throughout the whole thing, just apologizing to Johnathon over and over again because I KNEW I wasn't producing enough. I gave up the ghost on Monday night when I gave him his first full bottle of formula. And cried and cried again. Brutal.
BUT!!! It's Thursday now and I'm feeling alright! So, um, that previous part of the post was written in a kinda dark place. I'm much better today, even though it's only two days later. Johnathon has regained his birth weight and then some and it's all due to the fact we're actually feeding him now and he's getting full. So, huge difference. I'm still giving breastfeeding a good try--I'm pumping still and hell yeah(!), I pumped two ounces TWICE today. For reference, before I would pump for about 20 minutes and get anywhere from a half an ounce to an ounce, total. As in, from BOTH boobies. Yeah--not a whole lot. Two ounces still isn't a lot, but it's enough for a good feeding.
But, my baby is still bringing the cute:
He's sleeping better and he's getting a smidge better at the whole day/night thing.
4 comments:
Oh Vicki...I remember those feelings - you must be such a hormonal mess. The Lactation consultant sounds like she is guessing...shoot I had a let down problem...I couldn't pump ANYTHING..maybe a few drops at the most. 2 Ounces is a TON! Don't give up on breastfeeding yet - In my experience it is hard work and sometimes you feel like a complete failure but give it time, once your milk supply gets up to speed(and it sound like it is from your pumping) then John will have better feedings. My babies always took a week and a half longer than "normal" to get up to birth weight. You are doing fine. Just remember do whatever works for you and Johnathon. If that is bottle feeding and formula...then that is fine. Don't beat yourself up over not breastfeeding if that works for you guys. But at the same time breastfeeding is HARD and it is easy to give up too soon. My sister supplemented with formula in the beginning but then slowly went back to exclusive breastfeeding with no problems at all. You are doing great - keep up the good work Momma!
Oh I forgot one more thing...breastfeedings biggest enemy is stress. You gotta relax, that means trying not to get too worked up. Fenugreek and beer also helps. But relax..
Please do NOT beat yourself up over this! I know it is hard, but TRUST ME... he will be SMART, HEALTHY, and will LOVE YOU UNCONDITIONALLY no matter how you feed him. Here's the kicker, though. Ready? You NEED TO FEED HIM!! :) Your child is not going to turn out to have 3 eyes and a limp if you give him formula. My kids are pretty darn fantastic - they're smart, they get (at most) one cold per year, they had zero ear infections in their lives, have no asthma, etc, they're both in the gifted and talented program at school. AND THEY LOVE ME! So, do whatever works for you guys. Happy momma = happy baby. Don't let anyone tell you what to do or make you feel guilty; do the best you can and know that whatever you do, he will be great simply because you love him.
Hey girl! Sorry you are having problems breastfeeding but don't get discouraged. I completely agree with MommaRazorback. Coop and I had some of the same issues at first, I had to supplement with formula (I cried like a baby everything I gave him a bottle) at first but being a hard head I wasn't giving up, I pumped my little boobs off, drank lots of fluids and tried to relax. Happy to say that I now have so much milk I could feed multiple kids, only thing is I am starting to wean which means this is a BAD thing, huge full tatas not a pleasant thing. So just relax, its worth the hard work and tears. Big hug!!! (Oh and sorry for the post b/c I'm on my blackberry, sure it makes a English teacher cringe). :-)
Post a Comment